jo burgess hannon

fit for today, fit for life

Grief and a little joy

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I had a trail walk with a good friend. Well, actually it was a phone conversation , as our trails here are wet and we are a little water logged. Don’t even get me started on the all the soggy as I discovered a bunch of wet cardboard next to the house heater in the garage. And how is it that expensive house repairs can be a little bit like mystery car repairs and you don’t even know what work REALLY needs to be done?

Anyway, a friend listened as I vented and processed out loud what I needed to do about a furnace working but leaking water. And the conversation became about friends and surgery and a story about a.long.time.ago.in.my.life.

Sadness hits at strange times. Sometimes its in the shower as the water pours over my head. Sometimes its late at night and the tears stream making my pillow wet. Sometimes driving in the car alone, sometimes watching something on TV. Today it was about a child I lost 24 years ago to an ectopic pregnancy, about losing both parents by the time I was 50 and maybe feeling a little sorry for myself that these experiences were taken from me before I ever got to experience the future I imagined.

Grief is a tricky thing; you never really know when or how it will hit. And then the joy of a life I am proud of, a life that is so imperfect yet each moment leads me today and trying to be better, do better, hits me.

Life brings joy after joy. And today it was about a girlfriend who answered the phone when I called and we talked about the mundane and the important all in the same conversation.

Veteran’s Day 2015

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dad army flag & card

Before I was born, my dad served in the United States Army.  When I was a kid, and both my parents were at work, I used to to rifle through the drawers in their bedroom.  I’d try on my mom’s costume jewelry, wear her high heals around, generally be snoopy.  Did you ever do that? Anyway, in one drawer, my dad had a red, silk bomber jacket with a dragon embroidered on the back.  It was his souvenir from when he was stationed in Korea.

A few years before my dad died he gave me a photo album from his army days.  As I flipped through the black and white photos he was quiet. He never did really talk about his days serving our country.  Today as I drove through our neighborhood and the American flags where flying I felt a great sense of pride. I’m proud to be an American, proud of my nephew currently serving in the US Navy, proud to have a brother who served our country in Vietnam,  proud of my dad.

Thank you, to all veterans, past, present, and those currently in active service.

grateful

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grateful

I heard Oprah. Keep a gratitude journal. Start every day, end every day remembering what you are grateful for. I was not prepared for being this grateful. Sometimes the giving spirit of those around me is overwhelming. I am certain I don’t always deserve it. I am sure I have been stingy with time, money or effort to the same people who have shown such kindness to me.

I knew our friends and family were kind, generous. However, as we grew closer and closer to Wedding Weekend, the gifts of time, money, encouragement, creativeness and kitchen gadgets piled up. A pile so large it still brings me to tears. My gratitude meter flew off the charts. Many of my close girlfriends asked repeatedly ‘how can I help?’ And they did. And their husbands did.  In addition to showering our daughter and new husband with all that they needed to set up their new beginning,  I received gifts never imagined.

So grateful.