jo burgess hannon

fit for today, fit for life

Grief and a little joy

by Leave a Comment

I had a trail walk with a good friend. Well, actually it was a phone conversation , as our trails here are wet and we are a little water logged. Don’t even get me started on the all the soggy as I discovered a bunch of wet cardboard next to the house heater in the garage. And how is it that expensive house repairs can be a little bit like mystery car repairs and you don’t even know what work REALLY needs to be done?

Anyway, a friend listened as I vented and processed out loud what I needed to do about a furnace working but leaking water. And the conversation became about friends and surgery and a story about a.long.time.ago.in.my.life.

Sadness hits at strange times. Sometimes its in the shower as the water pours over my head. Sometimes its late at night and the tears stream making my pillow wet. Sometimes driving in the car alone, sometimes watching something on TV. Today it was about a child I lost 24 years ago to an ectopic pregnancy, about losing both parents by the time I was 50 and maybe feeling a little sorry for myself that these experiences were taken from me before I ever got to experience the future I imagined.

Grief is a tricky thing; you never really know when or how it will hit. And then the joy of a life I am proud of, a life that is so imperfect yet each moment leads me today and trying to be better, do better, hits me.

Life brings joy after joy. And today it was about a girlfriend who answered the phone when I called and we talked about the mundane and the important all in the same conversation.

Re·demp·tion /rəˈdem(p)SH(ə)n/ noun: the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil.

by 1 Comment

Over the years, as Honey & I have taken on more of the family hosting duties, I have learned do nothing much new on the Thanksgiving menu in favor of tried and true family favorites.  Once I added a green salad (fitness coach guilt) and the bowl came back to the kitchen barely touched. Those that took some pushed it around on their plates and left it behind in favor of more mashed potatoes and fresh baked rolls. Hello yard waste.

One year the in-laws tried to ‘lighten it up’ and, well, dare I say epic fail?That was the year of no seconds in hopes that saving room for dessert would pay off.   One year a brother put mushrooms in the dressing, one year my dad put oysters in the stuffing. (That was back when you actually stuffed the turkey.) I mean, not one of us kids grew up eating mushrooms or oysters, so yuck.

Hey on a positive note a quick saute’ of fresh green beans with a splash of balsamic vinegar has dramatically improved the amount of veggies consumed over the canned french green beans and cream of something soup casserole. Again, yuck. Or, yum if you get served the updated version my daughter has mastered.

So anyway, its much easier to serve the same general menu year after year; those dishes everyone looks forward to.  Well, except there was the year I made what turned out to be the worst gravy, EVER. I can’t even really define how or what happened, but it was bad news. I had no choice but to hit the Google to make sure Redemption gravy would be served.  Thanks Ina you saved me from losing my hostess privileges. 

Here’s the recipe if you might need it: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/make-ahead-turkey-gravy-with-onions-and-sage-5486134

There’s an Elephant in the Room: The collecting of things

by 1 Comment

Over the years I have amassed items gathered from the people around me. I have an elephant cigarette box that belonged to my mom. The day she died was a complete shock, sudden and final and unexpected. And, it was a relief, with the anxiety of her unknown aging future no longer looming.

Anyway, that brown pottery elephant: I drove down to her house by myself the next day and just wandered through her rooms. I’m not even sure why I did it. I guess I just wanted one last private moment to feel her presence before we packed it all up.

Have you ever done that? Looked around, seeing how a person might have left their home to run up to the grocery store or walk to the mailbox? There were piles of mail on the counter, a message on her answering machine blinking and this elephant on the table next to her recliner chair. I sat down in that chair and it was so personally hers it felt all kinds of wrong and invasive and so very quiet. As I faced the TV and observed the surroundings, her surroundings, I took in the box of tissues, the TV remote, a little notepad and pen and the elephant.

I have mentioned here on the blog before, that while my relationship with my mom wasn’t broken, it was never really whole. And every time we took strides forward to ‘getting’ each other, accepting one another, we’d fall back almost to the beginning of exhausting (for me and most likely both of us) turmoil.

Someday I’ll write about how my mom put me on vacation (or was that she took a vacation from me?)…but not today. Today is for elephant boxes, crib boards and leather backpacks.

I lifted the lid where cigarettes were to be stored and it was full of little notes folded half and then half again. The notes were numbered. I opened them in random order, each one carefully placed in my lap as I extracted and read paper after paper.

It was the story of me; carefully written in my mom’s distinct, neat, cursive handwriting on 10 pieces of paper. The story of finding out she was pregnant, even on birth control. Her happy emotions of learning I was a girl when I was born.

I’ll never really know exactly what kept us continually strained and now that she’s gone does it really matter? What I know for sure is my mom loved me, fiercely.

It’s a Wrap

by Leave a Comment

Now that we are in full swing of beautiful fall days I think I’m finally over my mourning of another summer gone. I so did not want to see this summer go as I feel like it was a weak version of the last 2 summers. The weather has been so spectacular the last few summers I even started saying, “If this is global warming, bring it on!” I know, I KNOW how wrong that is to say. Please try not to judge this sun loving Seattleite.

The thing is I could vote with my feet and move.  (See what I did there, putting my $50k, 1985 dollars economics degree to use?) My bestie just packed up and left for the blue skies of Tuscan.  Turns out I really like my life here in the Northwest. And, a sunny January trip can really help lift the brain clouds. Bestie, girls weekend in your new hometown?

Jeff manning the cider press. He is so awesome with kids.

Anyway a good old fashioned cider pressing a mountain ridge and 150 miles away, and a glorious sunny 78 degree September day can really lift the spirits.

And the joy of extending my Y hike program into September was pretty awesome, too. Cougar Mountain was a fun way to make new connections outside the doors of our building.

Side Note:  Who knew that it would rain Wednesday after Wednesday? In July? And, then in August? Members turned out anyway. Again, I know, I KNOW! I won’t melt.

So nope, did not pick any blackberries because, as was already covered: wimpy summer. But I did get to play frisbee with my boyfriend.