Ever since I was a little kid, participating in end of school year races, officially called Field Day, I wanted to win. Somewhere there was (is?) a photo of me on my 10th birthday, my mom had baked 4 sheet cakes and made me this giant birthday cake for all the 4, 5, and 6 graders. It was embarrassing and awesome all at once. I won a lot of ribbons sprinting. I was probably good at it because most of childhood included hours chasing, and running from, my brothers.
Question 1: Ever spent hours down THAT rabbit hole searching for the one perfect picture, only to surface hours later empty handed, head swimming in the past?
Question 2: Turning double nickels this last spring, I find sometimes it is hard to admit that I don’t have answers to all the questions I hear internally and externally. Is it a personality trait or stubbornness or just human nature?
And still, there is a starting line. I find myself over and over again, right toe forward smudged into the chalk line drawn in the grass, shoulders leaning forward waiting for the beginning, only to realize that I am always at the beginning. Right here, right now I have a new start. I am anxious and nervous to remind myself, “I am a beginner. This is a new situation with the individuals in front of me, it is ok that I don’t have answers to the questions swirling in my head. There is always room for a new 1st time.”
I can be a beginner.