jo burgess hannon

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What I long for…

November 19, 2018 by Jo Leave a Comment

The Smoker  Cigarette Man  Marlboro Man?

 

1)… photo memories of my childhood.

I still have a box, a large box, of photos from my mom.  Several times, I have pulled it out, dug through, tried to add some sense of organization to the heap of undated and unmarked photos, mailed off items to brothers, family and then closed the lid. There are so many people in the box I do not know and I am running out of old people to ask.  My daughter will end up throwing them out if I don’t first because, and I know this is obvious but am stating it more as a personal reminder, she won’t know the faces either.

As I mentally sift through my childhood memories, writing stories here on the blog I often wish I could find a photo of one thing or another.  I only have a few photos of immediate family, pictures that include me.  The box is full of faces I do not recognize, like Cigarette Man.  I remembered the swagger emanating from this particular pic when I first ran across it and decided I might add it to a gallery wall. Doesn’t he make smoking look cool?  So when I dug back through the box for Cigarette Man…my Auntie Dee thinks he might be my Uncle Chuck Bertsfield… I found this:

I know, its blurry, eyes are closed, not a very good picture.  Its crooked and for a hot minute I edited it so the paneling was straight, but then the phone was cut out and the memory of having a phone permanently attached to the wall seems an important part life in the 70’s.  It captures me, my childhood, happily barefoot, in a dress my mom had sewn from a few yards of clearance fabric, with grand parents I dearly loved for how they poured joy into my life.

Side note:  I don’t actually think smoking is cool. I watched my dad die from throat cancer.

 

2)…to make the right decision.

Ever pick the wrong paint color, choose the wrong words in a discussion, question your last hour, day, week?  I can lay awake nights re-running the conversation gone wrong. It feels so good to make the right decision.  Honey and I stood over floor stain swatches being rubbed into the wood: after much patience by our contractor and 7 cans open and spread over freshly sanded floor boards, we left it.  Dan Nation of Tru Finish repeated several times we should take our time picking the color that would cover the entire main floor of our home.  Today, weeks later, I am still happy with the choice made. The color is just what I imagined: dark, but not too dark. Brown but not absorbing all the grain.  Perfect.

Another Side Note: So glad I made the right decision not to smoke, even though I grew up in a house with 6 smokers.  I think it was because I was the one who constantly emptied overflowing ashtrays. Or maybe it was because I burned myself with a cigarette?

 

3)…to find the right pair of socks.

I have cold feet.  My feet sweat.  I get blisters from even comfortable, well worn shoes.  Is it the shoes, is it the socks? The sock quest continues.

And, is it just possible I’m related to the original  Marlboro Man?

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Family dinner and saying “come on in”

June 11, 2018 by Jo 1 Comment

Celebrating a friend’s milestone

 

Hospitality is not a house inspection, it’s friendship, it’s family.

Struggle is real. I often run through my childhood memories to understand reactions and feelings of current experiences. For many years after Honey and I were married I was so nervous having people over.  Ask Honey, I would kind of freak out if someone was going to drop off a book. He would mention someone was stopping by and I was clearing counters, checking the bathroom for cleanliness and sometimes even mopping the floor. Just so someone could stand in the front entrance and I would feel comfortable, but not comfortable at all.

What I realized is from about age 10 on, my mom and dad mostly quit inviting people into our home.  More on that another time and the brokenness inside the walls of the home I grew up. I just did not learn how to welcome people into my personal space. Even having family over felt like I had to prove something and have everything perfect.

Anyway, what I learned after we starting having groups in for a get together, that it is pointless to mop the floor before everyone arrives.  Sure, pull out the broom and sweep.  But full on water bucket and mop might be pointless.  First, no one ever comes in inspecting how clean the floor might be: instead they are wondering about where to set their purse, If they should take their shoes off, where the plug-in is for phone charging, checking out the snacks on the kitchen counter.  For the record, I am kind of a neat-nick and most likely the floor is pretty clean anyway.

And then I saw my mom-in-law, sister-in-laws, family, extended family, girlfriends saying come in, come over, stop by. And I wanted to be that person.

And ALWAYS the floor needs to be mopped the next day.

 

or, she thought maybe she could, so she did

 

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Making a list, checking it twice

December 17, 2017 by Jo Leave a Comment

When our daughter was born, one thing I most looked forward to was building lasting holiday traditions. I had visions of passing on the myths of Santa filling stockings, the Easter Bunny leaving a basket of treats, sewing Halloween costumes.  In my own childhood, our family patterns shifted as older brothers left the house.

Looking back now, I think my mom was just tired; tired of feeding a large family, tired of load after load of laundry, tired of getting out the paper bags holding the gold tinsel garland, all while working full time.  I don’t think she realized my childhood was lacking in continued traditions as she mentally checked out and physically stopped participating in the joy holiday customs can bring. She had to have been tired.

There is something to envy about a dog’s life, Benny 2014

 

How about you?  Are you tired of a long list and maybe feeling under appreciated? You know, if you have not ordered those Christmas cards yet, don’t; don’t feel obligated.  I have always enjoyed making and sending cards but a few years back I lost the energy for it. We had been traveling in early December and though I had a plan, the thought of cutting and taping and gluing 75 handmade cards, well…I.just.could.not.do.it.

But guess what? When I announced to my family it wasn’t happening, they rallied.  They made what had felt like an inconvenient task fun again.  My Honey worked the paper cutter like an expert, my girl tied ribbon bows and my then future son-in-law helped with the assembly. Why didn’t I take that Christmas photo? It is a favorite December memory.

Side note: Over the years we have captured pictures and videos on a variety of cameras and camcorders. I won our first camcorder, which was roughly the size of a loaf of bread,  in a raffle.  Turns out that’s kind of a super power of mine.  I also won our first phone answering machine.

Anyway, I learned a valuable lesson that year: let your people know how you are feeling. Together we looked at the list and decided what was important.  Sending a holiday card? Check. Building a gingerbread house and decking it out with 3 pounds of bulk candy? Nope, we drew a line through that item.  Turned out the only thing my daughter really liked about that holiday chore was… the candy. #sweettooth

Christmas 2007

 

Take a moment and review your list.  Is there something you can cross out instead of check off?

 

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Dog Musings

November 20, 2017 by Jo Leave a Comment

 

Benny was an awesome frisbee catcher!

 

A hot minute ago I thought it was time to get another dog.  Our amazing pooch of 15 years, Benny Boy, has been gone for over 2 years.  Among the feelings of deep loss I had an overwhelming sense of  relief knowing he was free of pain and the restrictions of his old body.  Anyone who has nurtured an aging dog knows what I’m talking about; caregiving those final days requires constant vigilance and patience.

Anyway, after watching Hank, our daughter/son-in-law’s new puppy for the weekend that flash of yearning turned cold,  literally: snowing, blowing, wet Seattle cold. Now, Hank is quite a joy in my life and I love taking him through my neighborhood so he can explore. But, have you ever tried picking up after your dog, carrying an umbrella in one hand, leash in the other, dog tugging to keep going, all while trying to stay just.a.little.bit dry? Yep, I forgot what THAT was like.

Hank, mini Aussie Shepherd

 

I can now see the appeal of grand-parenting, having loads of fun and then sending the kids ( and puppies) back home to their parents. And then taking a nap.

 

 

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Daughter of a truck driver who married a doctor's kid. Life, stories and attempting to age with grace.

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