I jumped into a Facebook chain recently started by a high school friend of my brother. It was a two sentence, derogatory, public statement that threw shade on said brother. Comments built in the feed that included much Loop bravado. I added to the mix, initially being the only female to participate, and was quickly directed to ‘calm down.’
I’ve always been proud of the road were I grew up. Being a Loop kid has anchored me in a way maybe only others from the ‘hood would understand. We knew everybody, everybody knew us. My older brothers had a least 10 different friends from our street. When you grow up with so many boys, (because where there are 4 boys, there is always an extra at the dinner table, one sleeping on the coach, or 5 more playing pool in the basement) you learn to relate on a male level.
Guys let things go. They can be yelling at each other, maybe even throwing a few punches and then moments later start back to playing Monopoly. Mean things can be said without judgment; maybe even soliciting verbal applause for being spoke out loud. Other fellas can pile on to the onslaught of callous banter and relationships still stay intact.
In some ways, I was surprised at the Facebook scolding. Why couldn’t I bluster a little? It was like I was back in 1978 instead of 2018; 2018 where women are encouraged speak their mind, tell some truth.
Side note: It’s not always a positive to live in such a close-knit community. The summer I was 13 I came down with mononucleosis. Is Mono still called the kissing disease? The 14-year-old boy a ½ block away came down with the same thing. STILL NO, Craig and I never locked lips.
EW. Double EW.
Anyway, It’s going to take more than a hashtag # for stereotypes, biases and knee jerk reactions to change. Men and women: we think differently. After years of being in the power position, telling a woman to calm down (is that just a nice way of saying ‘shut up’?) while continuing to let the men carry on the conversation comes naturally.
Hi Sis! Boys ARE boys, and always will be! Derek was only bantering a 2 beer Barb, and meant absolutely nothing derogatory, but actually was welcoming u to the conversation, (in big boy fashion) he is new to the world of Facebook and social media and showed that with the rookie mistake of publicly posting his comment intended only for me……bottom line; thanks for having my back!
Boys ARE Boys